prettysmoker

It’s ironic that I am a smoker who does not have smoker friends. I don’t have one close friend who smokes. I am lucky. This can be one of the most difficult changes for someone who is trying to quit. Not only that but many of my friends are vehemently against smoking. My friend Sarita recently shared the following story with me;  

I was up on my roof top deck and ran into some new folks in the building and we started chatting.  Come to find out they were my building managers relatives.  Since she had been sick and in the hospital for months due to throat cancer I decided to ask about her health progress.  They sadly informed me that she was back home now in the building but had only a few weeks left to live and they were here to support her in her final days.  After sharing lots of stories about her life.  They asked if I would stop by for her birthday because she’d love to see people.  Of course I said yes and felt very obligated afterwards although I knew it would be tough for me to see her knowing it would probably be the last.

So not fathoming how bad off she actually was I came with balloons, a card, wine for the family, and apple cider for her.  When I came in and saw her I nearly broke down.  She was in awful condition in a hospital bed, on a respirator, she had had a tracheotomy, was assigned a full-time nurse, and nearly in a vegetative state.  All I could do was talk to her and tell her how much I appreciate her, what a wonderful strong woman she is, and how I’d keep praying for her.  Unfortunately, all she could do was blink and hold my hand.  I kept my composure but when I left I was sad and very angry beyond disbelief.

I am angry that a cigarette can do this to someone.  Angry at the makers of the cigarettes.  Angry at the U.S. government for not just outright banning the sell of cigarettes.  I have gone around with a chip on my shoulder ever since.  When I see people smoking I want to scream and knock some since into them.  Not just for their sake but also for mine.  Out of nowhere I suffered from severe allergies to cigarette smoke from June last year till February of this year.  So bad that my face would swell until my eyes were barely open.  I was on prednisone, spent so much money on doctor’s visits to discover the culprit (and mind you I have no health insurance).  Oh yeah and the prednisone side affects was severe acne, which I had never had any acne in my entire life.  That in turn lowered my self esteem and stressed me out and interfered many days with my ability to work or even show my face in public as I looked like a monster.

Okay, here is the super sad part.  Last week I was sitting on my bed with my laptop and had the windows wide open.  I suddenly hear these loud weird noises as if someone is having an asthma attack gasping for air.  The noise continued for a while.  I got to thinking that sounds like my neighbor since she does live below me to the left.  I recognized it as possibly the last breaths taken on a respirator and couldn’t believe I could possibly be hearing her pass away.  I was so frozen I couldn’t even close the window.  Later I saw the medic vehicle outside and there was no activity at all.  I’m too scared to find out if she’s okay, because I can’t deal. 

My point is pretty clear.  There’s nothing positive about cigarettes.  It not only has the potential to cause cancer and kill the smoker, but it can potentially kill others or cause misery from the second hand smoke.  So in LA last week city council met to make a county wide ban on smoking within x # of feet of restaurants with outdoor patios.  They did it already in Beverly Hills and it was successful.  In Calabasas I believe public smoking is banned completely.  I support it because now I don’t have to enjoy my sandwich with a side of nicotine.  And I have a hair weave that can’t be washed everyday, so my many lovers have to smell my smoke infused aroma (j/k, I know so irrelevant).  You’d be surprised how many smokers they showed on the news protesting against the new measure saying it affects their rights.  My response to them is, its saving your life and you’ll be thankful in the end.  And for those super stubborn: you may have the right to kill yourselves but you do not have the right to kill me.

Sarita has banned me x# of feet from her when I smoke. When we go out to eat we sit three tables apart. We have to talk kind of loud but most of the other diners on the pation don’t seem to mind. My recent smoking lapse did not turn into a full scale smoking marathon. I have had a few cigarettes over the past couple of days but I stay committed to quitting. Whatever that means. Sometimes I just get tired of hearing myself write. I think I’m still stuck in, I don’t want this to be this hard. 

I am on my way to the gym this morning to run. Got 3 miles on the agenda today. We’ll see. I’m feeling 34 this morning.    

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